Latest comment: 14 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
Thanks for sharing this draft. It might have been good to start with a chapter plan because I'm not really clear where this is heading or what the key questions are. However, I've wikified the draft and added some feedback below about the main areas I would target for development.
Structure/content
I recommend establishing in the introduction some focus questions. What questions will a reader have answered by reading this chapter?
Expand the introduction to tell the reader more about what will be covered and why.
Can you provide some examples to help a reader understand the theories you are discussing?
Provide a summary/conclusion section which reviews and reinforces the take-away key points of the chapter.
When highlighting research studies, provide a bit more information about the research study e.g. who were the participants? What were the measures? What was the size of the relationship?
Remember the marking criteria is 33% for reviewing research; currently the chapter focused on theory.
Learning features
Consider adding some wiki-links e.g,. Lev Vygotsky and I've added a link to the intrinsic-extrinsic motivation chapter page.
Spelling, APA style etc.
"McCaslin, & Murdock" should be "McCaslin and Murdock"
(Saliti, & Hoosain 2007) should be (Saliti & Hoosain 2007)
Do not include year for subsequent citations within a paragraph e.g., (Azad, 2010) but then in the same paragraph only cite this source as Azad.
Use Australian spelling e.g., behavior -> behaviour
Latest comment: 13 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
This textbook chapter has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via login to the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to see what editing changes I have made whilst reading through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below or continuing to improve the chapter if you wish. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.
This chapter sets out to examine sociocultural motivational theories of education. It does a reasonable job of explaining Vygotskian and situative learning theories, but argues perhaps overly strongly (and without sufficient critical examination of evidence) that collective learning is more "appropriate" to individual learning (what does appropriate mean? Isn't that subject to cultural judgement which is diverse?).
This was one of the shortest chapters submitted (~2000 words) which doesn't really allow for sufficient depth to be provided (suggested word-length was 2,500 to 4,500 words).
Statements (claims) need to be substantiated e.g., "(motivation) plays a very important role in the success and enjoyment of the students’ learning process" - says who? What's the evidence?
"There are many factors that influence motivation." - this is vague - try to be more specific. For example, what are the key factors?
"focuses on the aspects of motivation which are the result of social and cultural factors" - why? Why is the focus of this chapter on social and cultural factors? Justify why this is important to focus one these aspects.
Awkward wording: "On the contrary theories that focus on a student’s engagement in discourse such as behaviourally oriented theories are also discussed". Why? Why is it important to also focus on these? How do they relate to the other theories.
Basically, in the general introduction it is difficult to understand the rationale for the chapter. The general introduction does indicate, however, the topics for the chapter.
The strongest aspect of this chapter is the focus on sociocultural theories, particularly Vygotsky and situative theories.
The section on "Motivation theories of education" focuses on some particular theories e.g., intrinsic/extrinsic motivation, achievement goal theory, and work avoidance theory, but lacks a broader overview. The latter theories are presented as bullet-points rather than full written paragraphs. The section relies on a single reference. There is not lead in / flow to the next section.
When describing important research findings, try to indicate the size of effects rather than simply whether or not there was an effect or relationship.
This is an important claim: "A neutral situative view of motivation presented by Hickey, et al (2001) has proven that extrinsic incentives are more useful for studying compared to behavioural and cognitive strategies for motivating engagement." but more details are needed to explain in a convincing manner to a reader.
This statement was sufficiently substantiated through critical examination of research evidence: "Research supports sociocultural theories of motivation because it is proven that students can reach a higher level of performance by scaffolding."
This statement seems false because a student's development can be studied individually although the rest of the chapter basically argues that a collective perspective is preferable. "Furthermore, research also shows that a student’s development cannot be studied individually but rather socially."
The written expression was basic and mostly sufficient, although the development of the argument and the clarity of expression could be significantly improved through further drafting and proofreading.
I didn't understand this sentence: "In addition, it is particularly apparent in the treatment of motivation in educational psychology"
Avoid one sentence paragraphs. A paragraph should typically consist of three to five sentences.
The chapter could have benefited from a more developed introduction, with clear focus questions. Getting comments on a chapter plan and/or chapter draft could have helped with this aspect.
Some of the bullet-points should have been in full paragraph format.
Learning features
There were no additional learning features, tables or images.
Spelling, grammar and proofreading
Use Australian spelling e.g., hypothesize -> hypothesise
APA style
This article appears to significantly paraphrase http://www.education.com/reference/article/sociocultural-theories-of-motivation/ without acknowledgement - this is borderline plagiarism. It also seems likely that a number of citations were copied and were not directly consulted in the preparation of this chapter. 'Only cite sources which are directly consulted, otherwise secondary citations should be used.
Do not cite the year for subsequent citations within a paragraph e.g., Smith (2010) but after that in the same paragraph only refer to Smith.
Use ampersand (&) inside brackets and "and" outside brackets.
Latest comment: 13 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's UCLearn site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.
Overall, this was a reasonable multimedia overview of the key points from the written chapter.
The presentation closely followed the chapter, so I won't repeat earlier comments.
The presentation was generally well paced - it was easy to follow your voice and the presentation was well scripted. However, the last slide was a hard slog to listen to - it felt here that you were just reading out a text in a monotone.
The introduction was clear and placed the presentation in context.
Some examples could be helpful.
Intonation could be more varied to enhance attention/interest-level by audience.
There was minimal use of additional visual aids (e.g., tables, figures).
