Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2021/Transgender medical transitioning motivation

Comments

Hi Everyone! Please leave any suggestions in this section here! I really appreciate it.

References

Hi! I can see you've almost finished and you've put a lot of work into your topic. Just a reminder about making sure your references follow 7th APA format (italicisation of journal and volume number). --U3205964 (discuss • contribs) 05:10, 16 October 2021 (UTC)

Additional resource̝

Hi. I found your topic development really interesting thus far. I like your use of the sub-headings as it allows for the reader to follow the content easily. I have added an additional internal link that I believe will assist you in developing a good description and/or understanding for your "The need to transition explained through the hierarchy of needs" section (Book Chapter, 2013). I also found a journal article about the relationship between mental health and gender dysphoria. This specific journal article proposed some interesting points and I thought you could maybe use it is an interesting case study. I have included both links within this comment but I have also added them to your working comments section --U3189442 - K.Ryan (discuss • contribs) 21:41, 29 August 2021 (UTC).

Heading casing

FYI, the recommended Wikiversity heading style uses sentence casing. For example: Self-determination theory rather than Self-Determination Theory Here's an example chapter with correct heading casing: Growth mindset development -- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:58, 15 September 2021 (UTC)

Topic development feedback

The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing the chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via UCLearn. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.

Title The title is correctly worded The sub-title is correctly worded Capitalisation of the title has been corrected to be consistent with the book table of contents Capitalisation of the sub-title has been corrected to be consistent with the book table of contents User page Excellent - used effectively Description about self provided Eportfolio link goes to your Mahara wall rather than your profile # Link provided to book chapter Social contribution Summarised with indirect link(s) to evidence Add direct links to evidence. To do this: View the page history, select the version of the page before and after your contributions, click "compare selected revisions", and then use this website address as a direct link to evidence for listing on your user page. For more info, see Making and summarising social contributions. Headings Extensive heading development - if anything, refine/reduce as the draft develops Terminology - This section isn't needed - instead briefly introduce new terms as they are used and provide internal wiki links on first mention of those terms to relevant Wikipedia articles. Identified gender vs self - Cognitive dissonance / disconcordant self could be a useful theory here Plenty of theoretical perspectives are offered - be prepared to be selective - useful the most useful few well may develop a better chapter than covering lots more briefly. But there's no hard and fast rules here. See earlier comment about Heading casing Key points Basic development of key points in some sections, no development in other sections Overview is well developed. Consider adding: an image an example or case study For sections which include sub-section include key points for an overview paragraph prior to branching into the sub-headings There seems to be reasonably good coverage of theory; strive to balance with review of relevant research One use of in-text interwiki links for the first mention of key terms to relevant Wikipedia articles and/or to other relevant book chapters - add more Consider including more examples/case studies Avoid overcapitalisation (APA style) - more info Conclusion (the most important section): hasn't been developed what might the take-home, practical messages be? in a nutshell, what are the answer(s) to the question(s) in the sub-title? Figure Excellent Caption uses APA style Caption should include Figure X. ... Caption explains how the image connects to key points being made in the main text Cite each figure at least once in the main text References Very good For APA referencing style, check and correct: capitalisation separate page numbers by an en-dash (–) rather than a hyphen (-) Resources Excellent

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:58, 15 September 2021 (UTC)

Feedback request as per UC board

Hi there,

This may seem shorter and less detailed, but I had previously typed up a lot of comments that all got lost in transition during a page edit and Wikiversity lost the lot due to a conflict error. I'll try to go over everything that I remember here...

1. A number of sentences are written in passive language. For example, "Gender dysphoria (‘dysphoria’) was the updated term selected when the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders published it’s 5th edition (‘DSM-5’)." can be rewritten as "Gender dysphoria (‘dysphoria’) is the current term as of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition (‘DSM-5’)". Switching sentences from passive to active language strengthens those points. It's particularly noticeable when you are citing studies.

2. You have some sections where there are headings without text. It might be a good idea to remove redundant subheadings and consolidate information.

3. There are some incomplete sentences (e.g. While medically-transitioning is undertaken to alleviate dysphoria and help align the identified gender with the self, this is not the only motivator for undergoing this proces") and a number of sentences that are sitting by themselves. Can the lone sentences be consolidated into other paragraphs in their sections?

4. You're outlining some information that really needs references. Examples include when you cite Devor's theory (no reference in the initial sentence) and Maslow's Hierarchy. Speaking of Devor, consider adding the 14 stages as a table just to show what they are.

5. The chapter could use a case study or a few, and good spots seem to be at the end of the 'big' theories. Consider using case studies or some other feature to highlight the key information from those theories.

6. As a suggestion, your last paragraph in the "A term used to disminish the transgender experience" section could be moved down into the "Different gender affirmation routes for different pursuits" - that paragraph reads like it would be better in that section.

7. The non-academic references will need to be removed from the reference list. If you want to cite Erikson (1980) you'll need to amend the reference to a scientific source or replace it with a scientific source.

--U3020459 (discuss • contribs) 15:26, 15 October 2021 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Chapter marks will be available via UCLearn along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

Overall Overall, this is an excellent chapter that successfully uses psychological theory and research to help address a practical, real-world phenomenon or problem. For additional feedback, see the following comments and these copyedits. Overview Well developed Overview. Clearly explains the problem or phenomenon. Clear focus question(s). Consider introducing a case study or example or using an image to help engage reader interest. Theory — Breadth Relevant theories are well selected, described, and explained. The chapter doesn't wander off into discussion of irrelevant theory. Ideally, also build on other gender-related chapters (e.g., by incorporating embedded links to other chapters in this category: Category:Motivation and emotion/Book/Gender). Theory — Depth Appropriate depth is provided about the selected theory(ies). Tables and/or lists are used effectively to help clearly convey key theoretical information. Some useful examples are provided to illustrate theoretical concepts. Research — Key findings Relevant research is reviewed. More detail about key studies would be ideal. Greater emphasis on major reviews and/or meta-analyses would be helpful. Research — Critical thinking Good critical thinking about research is evident. Critical thinking about research could be further evidenced by: describing the methodology (e.g., sample, measures) in important studies discussing the direction of relationships considering the strength of relationships acknowledging limitations suggesting specific directions for future research Some claims are unreferenced (e.g., see the tags). Integration There is basic integration between theory and research. The chapter places more emphasis on theory than research. Where research is discussed, it is integrated with theory. Conclusion Key points are well summarised. Clear take-home message(s). Written expression — Style Written expression Overall, the quality of written expression is very good. Avoid directional referencing (e.g., "As previously mentioned"). Instead: it is, most often, not needed at all, or use section linking. Layout Avoid having sections with 1 sub-heading - use 0 or 2+ sub-headings. Sections which branch into sub-sections should include an introductory paragraph before branching into the sub-sections. Grammar Use serial commas[1] - they are part of APA style and are generally recommended by grammaticists. Here's an explanatory video (1 min). Abbreviations Check and correct grammatical formatting for abbreviations (such as e.g., i.e.., etc.). Figures Figures are very well captioned. Figure captions use the correct format. Refer to each Figure using APA style (e.g., do not use italics, check and correct capitalisation). Each Figure is referred to at least once within the main text. Tables Table captions should use APA style. See example. Refer to each Table at least once within the main text (e.g., see Table 1). Citations use correct APA style. References are not in full APA style. For example: Check and correct use of capitalisation[2] Written expression — Learning features Overall, the use of learning features is very good. Excellent use of embedded in-text interwiki links to Wikipedia articles. # No use of embedded in-text links to related book chapters. Embedding in-text links to related book chapters helps to integrate this chapter into the broader book project. Basic use of image(s). Excellent use of table(s). Excellent use of feature box(es). Basic use of quiz(zes). Very good use of case studies or examples. Social contribution ~51 logged, useful, mostly moderate to major social contributions with direct links to evidence.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 01:54, 14 November 2021 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's UCLearn site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

Overall Overall, this is a very good presentation. The presentation is over the maximum time limit - content beyond 3 mins is ignored for marking and feedback purposes. Overview An opening slide with the title and sub-title is presented - this helps to clearly convey the purpose of the presentation - also narrate the title/sub-title. A context for the topic is established. This presentation has an engaging introduction to hook audience interest. Briefly explain why this topic is important. Consider asking focus questions that lead to take-away messages. Content Comments about the book chapter may also apply to this section. The presentation addresses the topic. The presentation is well structured. The presentation makes excellent use of relevant psychological theory. The presentation makes basic use of relevant psychological research. Include key citations. The presentation makes basic use of one or more examples or case studies or practical advice. Conclusion The Conclusion did not fit within the time limit. Audio The audio is easy to follow and interesting to listen to. The presentation makes effective use of narrated audio. Audio communication is clear and well paced. Very good intonation enhances listener interest and engagement. Audio recording quality was good. Probably an on-board microphone was used (e.g., sounds like there is a dog walking around?). Consider using an external microphone. There was no discernible evidence of speech impediment. But sub-titles are an excellent accessibility feature! Video Overall, visual display quality is very good. The presentation makes good use of text and image based slides. The font size is sufficiently large to make it easy to read. The amount of text presented per slide makes it easy to read and listen at the same time. The visual communication is supplemented in a basic way by images and/or diagrams. The presentation is well produced using simple tools. Meta-data The chapter title is used, but the sub-title (or a shortened version of it) is not used in the name of the presentation - the latter would help to clearly convey the purpose of the presentation. A written description of the presentation is provided. A brief written description of the presentation is provided. Links to and from the book chapter are provided. Licensing Image sources and their copyright status are communicated. Ideally, provide clickable links to the original image sources (e.g., in the description). A copyright license for the presentation is provided.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 07:24, 20 November 2021 (UTC)