Latest comment: 3 years ago3 comments3 people in discussion
Hi! Really interesting topic! I like your writing style. Just a few editing notes, your description for figure one in the text says it displays the process of meditation, however it is more a visual representation of meditation. I would suggest rewording this to be “displays a visual representation of the peace awarded to the body through meditation, a way of fostering serenity”, and also changing the textbox below the image to give a better description to the relevance in the text. Aside from that it looks good! I like the use of quizzes after every section, allows for good ineraction!
--U3187874 (discuss • contribs) 06:09, 17 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
Hey looking good, you might want to try do a bit of restructuring make it a bit more flow on through the questions that are around the topic, I suggest having a clear spot for the consequences of I guess not having serenity? - a heading for the consequences then blah, blah, blah under. --U3202710 (discuss • contribs) 08:37, 17 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
Latest comment: 3 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing the chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via UCLearn. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.
Consider linking to your eportfolio page and/or any other professional online profile or resume such as LinkedIn. This is not required, but it can be useful to interlink your professional networks.
It makes logical sense to use the sub-title questions as top-level headings - this has been partially implemented
Basic, 1-level heading structure - Consider further development of headings to include a "What is serenity?" heading and possibly sub-headings in the main sections
Hi,
I really like what you have in so far, and I am looking forward to see how you expand your points. Please remember to look at your reference list to check that it complies to a style. I find APA, as i've used it quite a bit now, easier to conform to.
Good luck
Latest comment: 3 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
Hello, I noticed there was some inconsistency in the feature boxes, I bolded the questions in your quiz boxes and fixed up a grammatical error in one of the quiz questions to fix this issue --Brianna Meddemmen (discuss • contribs) 13:11, 17 October 2021 (UTC)Reply
Latest comment: 2 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Chapter marks will be available via UCLearn along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.
Some of the selected theories are quite broad/general (e.g., facial feedback hypothesis). Other potentially relevant theories are not considered (e.g., physiological aspects such as arousal, neuroscience etc.).
Overall, the quality of written expression is basic.
Avoid one sentence paragraphs. A paragraph should typically consist of three to five sentences.
Use 3rd person perspective (e.g., "it") rather than 1st (e.g., "we") or 2nd person (e.g., "you") perspective[1] in the main text, although 1st or 2nd person perspective can work well for case studies or feature boxes.
Layout
Sections which branch into sub-sections should include an introductory paragraph before branching into the sub-sections.
Grammar
The grammar for some sentences could be improved (e.g., see the [grammar?] tags). Grammar-checking tools are available in most internet browsers and word processing software packages. Another option is to share draft work with peers and ask for their assistance.
Excellent use of embedded in-text interwiki links to Wikipedia articles.
One use of embedded in-text links to related book chapters. Embedding in-text links to related book chapters helps to integrate this chapter into the broader book project.
Latest comment: 2 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
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