Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2018/Mental illness identity motivation

I would appreciate any feedback. Thank you.

Feedback

This page has been developed very extensively. I think that relating this topic to popular TV shows, such as 13 reasons why and Skins, is a great way to get people interested in the topic. You have done a good job at explaining complex psychological topics simply for all readers. I encourage you to keep this up, as the references to popular shows may draw in such a wide variety of viewers and they may not have the psychological knowledge to keep up with some of the topics that may be discussed. Especially, as you state on the page, these shows are targeted at adolescents, perhaps an aim for your pages is for a teenager to be able to understand this topic completely. Overall, this topic is extremely interesting and I eagerly await the finshed topic. U3143187 (TaylorMal (discuss • contribs) = Username: TaylorMal 20:16, 28 August 2018 (UTC)

Hi there, I think it's great that you are utilising a popular television series (which delves into the issues of mental health) to explore your chapter topic. The use of a popular television series will help readers, relate to and understand your topic. Your use of psychological theories is excellent. The only recommendation I have is to add in one or two images, to enhance the visual of your chapter page. I look forward to seeing your chapter develop. --U3154928 (discuss • contribs) 11:14, 28 August 2018 (UTC)

Well done, this is an excellent book chapter topic that I'm sure will interest a broad range of audiences. The overview introduces the topic nicely, whilst enticing the reader to want to know more! The only constructive feedback I can offer is to consider fleshing out your first two headings ('what is motivation' and 'what is mental illness'). Maybe add some sub-headings to these, for example add some specific theories, or which groups of people are most affected by mental illness (youth? the elderly?) - which can then lead onto why the media influences this group of people more in terms of mental health. However, your page is looking very well structured and informative, and I can't wait to see the finished product. --Abbsu3163507 (discuss • contribs) 08:03, 29 August 2018 (UTC)

Hi! This book chapter is amazing, you've really put great thought and effort in to the details and flow of the chapter. I really like the external examples such as 13 reasons why. Just a small suggestions in figure 3, I've just bolded the reference as the image should automatically have a link to the reference for it. Really great job! --MaddieCarleton (discuss • contribs) 23:25, 18 October 2018 (UTC)

Topic development feedback

The topic development has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing the chapter plan. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Topic development marks are available via UCLearn. Note that marks are based on what was available before the due date, whereas the comments may also be based on all material available at time of providing this feedback.

Title, sub-title, TOC Excellent User page Very good Social contribution Good See suggestions for how to record social contributions Section headings The main suggestion is to focus less on introductory aspects such as: What is motivation? What is mental illness? Focus on addressing the central question around what motivates adoption and maintenance (and I guess, also, letting go of) and more of a self-identity based on MI. Directly addressing this question should represent the bulk of the chapter and its structure. Preliminary matters, such as definitional/background material should be covered briefly with links to other Wikiversity/Wikipedia content which contain more detail. So, the key section currently is "Can mental illness be motivated?" (but maybe rephrase from a closed-ended to an open-ended question - like the book chapter sub-title) Key points Overview a TV show can be a useful example, but link to more info for readers who are unfamiliar with the show. 1st paragraph is overly long - consider splitting Perhaps put the Netflix show material into a separate feature box, like a case study. This would allow the Overview to be briefer and more focused on introducing the core problem/topic that the chapter seeks to address The key focus question should be "What motivates some people to adopt a mental-illness-based identity?" (i.e., the book chapter sub-title) Conclusion - beef up the plan for the take-away messages. This, and the Overview, and key sections, along with the main content section that directly addresses the topic. Can mental illness be motivated? Useful to have examples, but currently there is too much focus on a single TV series, and sufficient addressing of the topic from a psychological science (theory and research POV). Maybe try putting the TV series stuff into a feature box, and concentrate the main text on synthesising the best peer-reviewed psychological science on the topic. Consider including material self-identity and social identity - and how this may help to explain adopting a MI identity Image OK How does the figure 2 caption connect with the text? References Excellent Check APA style regarding inclusion of issue numbers Resources See also - good; consider also including links to other related Motivation and Emotion book chapters External links - Very good

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 02:19, 30 September 2018 (UTC)

Feedback on focus of initial sections

Consider replacing:

• What is motivation?
• What is mental illness?

with a new section:

• What is mental illness motivation?

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 23:02, 18 October 2018 (UTC)

Statistic box

Hey there, I added a div tag with some padding to your blue statistics box, this should bring the text away from the borders of the box, making it easier to read. I hope this helps! I'm looking forward to seeing the finished chapter! --Brittany (u3117719) (discuss • contribs) 03:30, 21 October 2018 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

Overall Overall, this is a reasonably good chapter on a novel, applied topic. 13 reasons why is a useful example, but is probably overemphasised - the more important topic is to hone in on describing the best available theory and research about "What motivates some people to adopt a mental-illness-based identity?", an issue that predates this particular TV show. For additional feedback, see these copyedits. Theory It seems surprisingly that there's no mention of related concepts such as hypochondriasis and malingering. The main theory appears to be social identity/norm "sick role" theory, which seems reasonable. Sufficient, basic coverage of theory is provided. There is perhaps a hint of bias/skepticism towards mental illness identity and little acknowledgement of the opposite problem -- people living with unacknowledged/unknown mental illness. Is this a non-mental illness identity? Research Sufficient, if somewhat basic, coverage of research is provided. Written expression Written expression Reasonably good. Perhaps consider adding one or more case studies - e.g., someone stuck in a MII vs. someone with a MI who recovers and develops a new identity Some paragraphs are overly long. Each paragraph should communicate one key idea in three to five sentences. Avoid overstatement, especially without sufficient citation of evidence (e.g., "tremendously controversial" - it is probably sufficient just to say "controversial"). 1st paragraph is overly long - it has now been split. Use serial commas. Avoid directional referencing (e.g., "As previously mentioned"). Internationalise: Write for an international, not just Australian audience. Australians make up only 0.32% of the world human population. Layout Avoid having sections with only one sub-section. Sections which include sub-sections should also include an introductory paragraph (which doesn't need a separate heading) before branching into the sub-headings. Learning features Adding more interwiki links for the first mention of key words would make the text more interactive. Reasonable use of images. No use of tables. Good use of quizzes. No use of case studies. Spelling, grammar, and proofreading. Check and correct use of that vs. who. Check and correct use of ownership apostrophes (e.g., individuals vs. individual's). Citations A comma is needed before "&" for citations involving three or more authors. In-text citations should be in alphabetical order. References are not in full APA style e.g., Add spaces between author initials. Do not include issue numbers for journals which are continuously numbered within volumes.

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Canvas site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

Overall Overall, this is an excellent presentation that makes effective use of simple tools. Structure and content Overall, well prepared and structured content. Great to see meta-analysis being used - but the claim that forming an identity is associated with externalising and internalising problems needs clarification - and, on face value, seems to be counter-intuitive. Probably need to clarify the claim that a strong identity will buffer against over-identification with mental illness identity (MII) - e.g., one could have a strong MII. Communication The presentation is easy to follow, and interesting to watch and listen to. The presentation makes effective use of narrated text and image based slides with narrated audio. Production quality Audio and video recording quality was good; sound levels varied a bit between slides. Images sources and copyright is well acknowledged.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 04:54, 12 November 2018 (UTC)