Talk:Motivation and emotion/Book/2015/Stress and infertility

Comments

Looks like an interesting topic. Well thought out structure. I really like the idea of having a quiz early in the article. I was thinking of having one at the start and end also to pre-test/post-test but I am unsure if this is to much. Keep up the good work --David James Stevenson (discuss • contribs) 11:10, 8 October 2015 (UTC)

Hello, looks like a great topic. The structure is really thorough and clear. I found myself to read through it easily and logically. I also really like the quiz, haha I like ("inability to fertilise grass :) ). I also noticed that you were under the "emotion" heading but I was confused if you were talking about "stress" being the emotional factor, or if you are going to describe the emotional impact of being infertile. I think specifying this could make the reading a bit clearer, or even at least including a section on the emotional impact of infertility. Maybe you could even include genetic counselling and services to help with this process. Also a section that assists in "distressing during pregnancy" could be a great interactive tool to be utilised in your conclusion section. This also would adhere to the applied practical component of the marking criteria. Good luck with this topic! Ccgmjb (discuss • contribs) 10:40, 17 October 2015 (UTC)

Hi, looking good! I really like the purple info box toward the end about combating stress due to infertility. Just some wiki related stuff rather then content, with all your titles only the first letter of the first word should be capitalised e.g 'What is Stress?' should be 'What is stress' (no question mark either). You don't seem to have a 'See also' section which from what I understand should definitely be included. Your heading also which I know you're probably getting to needs to be fixed, for example you could make it larger or centre it to make it stand out more. Keep going, almost there!!! --U3096981 (discuss • contribs) 22:20, 17 October 2015 (UTC)

Hi Leonie, there's obviously a bit to fill in yet but it looks as though it's coming along well. Just a couple of minor points - First, this sentence "1 in 6 couples experience infertility with unexplained infertility consists of up to 20% of cases" to me is a little awkward. I think I get what you're saying but it's a little awkward. You also have to spell out the numbers into words if nine and under for APA. So maybe an idea: "one in six couples experience infertility, with unexplained infertility consisting of approximately 20% of all cases". Second, I know this is only a draft, but the summary will need to be a little more comprehensive (but I'm sure you are aware of that). That goes with male infertility as well. It seems a little bias because it predominately encompasses woman's infertility but the title states 'infertility' not female infertility. So maybe a little more info on the male side of things would make for a more comprehensive book chapter :) . I like your use of visual aids. Also don't forget to put in a 'see also' at the end and link some other book chapters within it. I can see you have one external link but a 'see also' kind of goes with the whole thing. --David M&E7124 (discuss • contribs)

This chapter is shaping up to be really interesting! I really like how you’ve outlined the different ways stress can impact females and males. I assume that you’re still finalizing a lot of references but I have made some minor edits e.g. adding semi colons and commas to ensure they reflect APA formatting. I would also suggest that you add some more descriptive captions onto your figures, something as simple as “the main causes of infertility’ would make it easier for readers to understand. Good luck! U3036568 (discuss • contribs) 04:23, 18 October 2015 (UTC)

Hey!! Youre book chapter looks good so far but i would recommend making the title in the pink box a little more bolder, bigger and in the center of the page just so it is easier to catch with the eye. Also, you have a few grammar mistakes throughout youre page. You forgot a few periods and you also have a random parenthesis in the middle of a few sentences. Otherwise everything looks good. Uu3148421 (discuss • contribs) 04:40, 19 October 2015 (UTC)

Hi there, I think what you've got so far is looking good! This is a really interesting topic that is quite common so I think people would be very interested to read about this. I know you've got a section on how to combat stress during infertility already but I think providing a link such as this one would really benefit the reader http://www.babycenter.com/0_therapists-top-ten-tips-for-coping-with-fertility-problems_3935.bc or even something along the lines of this http://www.theinfertilitycounselor.com/managing-the-stress-of-infertility/ because the chapter is for someone who is looking to apply the knowledge to their own life, I think a topic as sensitive as this could benefit from having more tips. I also added an External Links heading to the end of your chapter because it needed to be added.--U3046579 (discuss • contribs) 07:05, 19 October 2015 (UTC)

Hello, Great subject- I noticed that you don't have an "overview" section and instead "introduction" which is fine but I didn't get a sense of how stress was going to be discussed as part of the factors regarding infertility. There was only one mention of stress included in a list of contributing factors in the last line of your intro. As stress is a main part of your book chapter heading it might be good to introduce why stress can contribute to infertility. Also, it might be a good idea to break up some of your writing into smaller paragraphs. There are some large chunks of writing blocks which you get lost in a bit. Aside from those minor things, you are doing really well and you should be happy with your chapter. Good luck. Candice.--CJBush03 (discuss • contribs) 09:28, 19 October 2015 (UTC)

Hi! If you room for some extra content, you could include the following article, which covers stress and infertility in Japanese women. This may help you add a cultural aspect to your chapter. It also suggests partner support is a factor associated with stress and infertility. Source: Matsubayashi, H., Hosaka, T., Izumi, S., Suzuki, T., Kondo, A., & Makino, T. (2004). Increased depression and anxiety in infertile Japanese women resulting from lack of husband's support and feelings of stress. General Hospital Psychiatry, 26(5), 398-404. --U3082322 (discuss • contribs) 08:03, 22 October 2015 (UTC)

Layout

Hey! Your chapter's coming along really nicely! I know I struggled in my chapter in how to integrate theory and "how does it impact". It seems in your chapter a lot of the models you talk about can be used to explain why stress causes infertility (or vice-versa), but you've included this in a separate heading under "how does it impact". Maybe you could integrate these some how by including boxes underneath each model? It still looks awesome - it just might help your chapter flow better! All the best with it U3096454! (discuss • contribs) 05:26, 18 October 2015 (UTC)

Hey! Really cool chapter, the opening photo of the baby is so cute! Nice use of tables and images too :) Maybe play around with the size of them too, especially with the HPA Axis image as it's hard to read. If you edit it, you can adjust it in the advanced settings section and if you change the number in the first box, it'll automatically adjust the second box for you. Just be careful with your referencing too, there's one reference I noticed that the first time you used says 'Griel et al., 2010' and then the next time it's used it also says et al, when it should display all names for the first time only. I've edited the Wright et al., 1991 reference for you because all 6 authors were listed, which you don't have to do if there's 6 or more authors, you can just write et al. I like the theories used and the interaction side of it with the quiz, well done :) --Bt1718 (discuss • contribs) 10:13, 19 October 2015 (UTC)

Hi Leonie :) Great work so far on your book chapter. Just have a few minor suggestions for you, firstly maybe consider making your images/figures a bit larger, as some of them have very small writing within the diagram such as figure 3 and it would be easier for the reader to be able to see that. Secodnly, the box you've provided on how to combat stress are reasonable, but maybe if you elaborate on one or two of these dot points and provide evidence of the success of these approaches will further strengthen your content. Finally maybe including an opening case study to give some insight of the emotional imapcts this can have through a real life example can provide readers a better overview of what your chapter will be about. Good luck? User:U3097062 20 Oct 2015

hi - well done, this is an informative piece of literature which I think would be invaluable to those people who my be struggling with infertility. it provides sensitive and factual information without speculation. I would suggest that the first green box you have as a scenario type explanation could be a little bit clearer. it reads a little dry and doesn't reflect the interesting read/work you have included. I think you could use this to grab the readers attention and engage with them earlier. User: U3053592 20 October 2015

Heading casing

FYI, the convention on Wikiversity is for lower-cased headings. For example, use: ==Cats and dogs== rather than ==Cats and Dogs== -- Jtneill - Talk - c 22:14, 18 October 2015 (UTC)

Editing tip - Linking to Wikipedia articles

Thank-you for your contributions to Wikiversity! I hope you don't mind being offered a Wikiversity editing tip. Links to Wikipedia article should be made as internal rather than external links. For example, [[w:Pet|pet]] creates a link like this: pet to the Wikipedia pet article. This is preferred to an external link like this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pet or pet. I hope this helps to further empower your Wikiversity contributions! -- Jtneill - Talk - c 10:25, 20 October 2015 (UTC)

This is a really well covered topic. Thorough but also easy to read. The formatting is very neat and makes it easy to read and the use of light calming colours helps this flow rather than interfering with the chapter. The examples with theory are something I've found missing in other chapters however it seems you've got this covered. Well done ~u3100080~

Interesting topic and very prominent in social culture right now! The depth of information and delivery makes it easy to read and understandable to a lay person. Maybe have a look at the colour and figures on the page. There is a lot of colours and images that may become to distracting from the actual content of the chapter. --U3096856 (discuss • contribs) 03:21, 31 October 2015 (UTC)

Chapter review and feedback

This chapter has been reviewed according to the marking criteria. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to check for editing changes made whilst reviewing through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below and/or contacting the reviewer. Chapter marks will be available later via Moodle, along with social contribution marks and feedback. Keep an eye on Announcements.

Overall Overall, this is a very strong chapter which could be improved by tidying up some of the proofreading. For more feedback see these copyedits and the comments below. Theory Theory is extensive and well explained and integrated with research, with a practical emphasis. Research Research is well covered and cited. When describing important research studies, provide some indication of the nature of the sample and possibly cultural context. When discussing important research findings, indicate the size of effects in addition to whether or not there was an effect or relationship. Written expression Written expression was generally very good. The quality of written expression could be improved (e.g., see where clarification templates have been added to the page). Layout The chapter is well presented and makes effective of the wiki environment. Add bullet-points for See also and External links (Excessive use of) coloured boxes was removed so as to aid accessibilityreadability; strive for simple layout (e.g., as per Wikipedia articles) The chapter is well-structured. Tables and/or Figures were used effectively. See earlier comments about heading casing Learning features The chapter makes excellent use of interwiki links to relevant Wikipedia articles - also add links to other relevant book chapers. Quiz questions are used effectively to encourage reader engagement. Spelling Use Australian spelling (e.g., hypothesize -> hypothesise) Grammar and proofreading The grammar of some sentences could be improved (e.g., see the tags) Check and correct use of ownership apostrophes. APA style Tables and Figures - first letter should be capitalised. The reference list is not in full APA style. Figure captions should have more explanatory detail. Check and correct the use of "&" vs. "and" (Use ampersand (&) inside brackets and "and" outside brackets). Put in-text citations in alphabetical order.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 11:13, 22 November 2015 (UTC)

Multimedia feedback

The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.

Overall Overall, this is an awesome all-round presentation. Structure and content Well structured. Theory and research are well covered. Addresses practical life improvement theme. Communication Audio is clear and well-paced. Animated visuals are highly engaging. Production quality Overall, extremely well prepared and produced. No link is provided back to the book chapter.

-- Jtneill - Talk - c 01:53, 26 November 2015 (UTC)