Motivation and emotion/Book/2024/Gender differences in sexual motivation

Gender differences in sexual motivation:
What are the key differences in sexual motivation between genders and what causes these differences?

Multimedia presentation (3 min)

Overview

Sexual motivation is a fundamental aspect of human relationships, yet it manifests differently across genders due to a complex mix of biological, psychological, and social factors. Gender differences in sexual motivation demonstrates variations in sexual capacity, sexual frequency, and sexual satisfaction. While men often experience a more direct connection between physical arousal and sexual desire, women’s sexual motivation is frequently intertwined with emotional intimacy and relationship quality. These differences are not just individual traits but reflect patterns influenced by psychological, biological, and societal factors. Understanding these gender-specific motivations is crucial as challenges such as relationship breakdown, unsatisfied sexual gratification, psychological consequences, and cultural implications.

Case study: Emma and James Emma and James have been together for seven years. Initially, their sexual relationship was passionate and frequent, with both feeling equally motivated. However, as time passed, Emma noticed her desire for sex became more infrequent, especially after having their first child. She found herself needing emotional connection and relaxation before feeling sexually motivated, whereas James’ desire remained consistent, driven largely by physical attraction and routine.

Focus Questions What are the key differences in sexual motivation between genders? What are the causes of these differences? What are the consequences of different genders on sexual motivation?

Differences in sexual motivation between genders

Sexual motivation, otherwise known as sex drive or libido, refers to the natural and instinctive urge or desire to engage in sexual activities (Calabrò et al., 2019). Historically, this concept was originated by Sigmund Freud to indicate the physiological instinct associated with the sexual urges’ human beings experience. Sexual motivation can be differentiated between types as the desire to engage may stem from different factors (See Table 1). Being able to understand the different types of sexual motivation is fundamental to explaining the reasons behind human desires and actions.  

Figure 1: Hetrosexual couple engaging in intimate moment

Table 1. Types of sexual motivation.

Type	Description
Intimacy	Create and build emotional bonds with other people
Procreation	Innate biological urge to reproduce
Obligation	Societal or cultural pressures or to maintain their relationship
Spontaneous	The immediate urge or craving
Responsive	Response to specific situations or stimuli

For this discussions purpose, it will define the different gender types as biologically male and female and focus on interactions within heterosexual relationships (See Figure 1). Considering gender helps in identifying specific needs and challenges related to sexual activity and motivation, which can vary widely between men and women.

Sexual capacity

Sexual capacity is the ability to voluntarily make a reasoned decision whether or not to engage in sexual activities (Esmail & Concannon, 2022). A person with higher sexual capacity would be one with greater ability to have more sex, such as with more different partners, more often, or for a longer period. It further involves both physical and psychological readiness for sex. The capacity for wanted arousal has a significant difference between men and women. Recent studies on uncontrolled and unwanted sexual thoughts found that the male sex drive evokes more sexual thinking even if the thoughts were unwanted (Chaudhary et al., 2022). This uncontrolled thinking of sexual thoughts often leads to higher rates of sexual desire. This could potentially be due to male sexual arousal being more spontaneous than women as women experience sexual thoughts more selectively, typically in emotional contexts (Lithari et al., 2009). It is also possible that women sometimes do not know that they are sexually aroused, given the less salient nature of female arousal (Dickenson et al., 2020).

The differences in how men and women are sexually stimulated shows a significant aspect of their capacity of sexual motivation. Men are usually more likely to by aroused by visual stimuli such as pornography or explicit pictures (Rupp & Wallen, 2007). Whereas women are more likely to be aroused by concrete, auditory, olfactory, touch and emotional stimuli (Waaramaa, 2016). These differences suggest women’s sexual motivation is more complex, using multiple different stimuli to create an integrated environment for sexual engagement (Touraille & Ågmo, 2024).  

Sexual satisfaction

Figure 2: Unsatisfied couple

Sexual satisfaction is defined as the subjective measure of the fulfilment, pleasure, and containment an individual experiences in their sexual life (Grover & Shouan, 2020). How individuals measure sexual satisfaction significantly varies between genders. Orgasms are often closely linked to sexual satisfaction. Men generally report higher rates of orgasms during sex, which can contribute to greater sexual satisfaction (Mahar et al., 2020). This could be caused as men typically experience quicker physical arousal which can lead to a straighter forward path to sexual satisfaction. Women, however, usually do not experience orgasms as frequently, which can impact their level of satisfaction (Kontula & Miettinen, 2016). This could be linked to women requiring more extended periods of arousal, foreplay, or emotional connection to reach sexual satisfaction (Andersen & Cyranowski, 1995). Sexual motivation is linked with satisfaction as it drives individuals to seek sexual experiences that fulfil their physical and emotional needs. Men usually focus more on their own sexual satisfaction, while women are seen to prioritise their partner's which can lead to the disparities in satisfaction (Vowels et al., 2022) (See Figure 2). However, sexual satisfaction is often the highest when both partners are equally focused on each other's pleasure.

Sexual frequency

Sexual frequency is defined as how often individuals engage in sexual intercourse, activity, and thoughts (Ueda et al., 2020). Sexual frequency is a significant measure of sexual motivation as it reflects personal desires and relationship dynamics. This is demonstrated in the frequency that men have sexual thoughts over females. Studies have found that men have more spontaneous sexual throughs, often prompted by external stimuli, even when these thoughts may not be directly desired (Calabrò et al., 2019). As male sexual thoughts arise more automatically and with greater frequency, it is reflected in their heightened sexual motivation. This is further exacerbated as due to this cognition; men are more likely to be driven to seek sexual opportunities and engage in more sexual behaviours between intercourse such as masturbation (Perrotta, 2023). In contrast, women are less likely to have sexual thoughts as their sexual cognitions are more contextually sensitive.

For men, studies show that dissatisfaction with sexual frequency correlates with lower overall relationship satisfaction (Mallory, 2021). Men dissatisfied with frequency also report higher sexual motivation to engage more often, as frequent sex is often associated with a healthy relationship (Mallory, 2021). A decline in frequency can be perceived by men as a sign of reduced attraction or relationship issues, further motivating them to initiate sex. Women, normally instead place emphasis on the quality of sex rather than the quantity of sex as a determinant to relationship and sexual interactions. Women are more likely to prioritise deeper emotional experiences of intimacy rather than frequent ones (Fischer et al., 2018). This significance on quality means that women may not view the decrease of sexual frequency as negatively as men do, especially if their emotionally intimacy remains prominent in the relationship.

Quiz 1 What type of stimuli do men typically respond better to? Olfactory. Visual. The sound of their partners voice. Emotional 2 True or False. There is only one type of sexual motivation? True False

Causes of gender differences in sexual motivation

Understanding gender differences in sexual motivation involves applying key theories. The Dual Control Model explains how sexual excitation and inhibition affect desire, while Social Role Theory highlights the role of societal expectations. Self-Determination Theory shows how autonomy and relatedness shape motivation, and biological perspectives emphasise the role of hormones. Together, these frameworks offer a comprehensive understanding of the factors influencing male and female sexual motivation.

Dual control model of sexual response

The dual control model of sexual response is a framework developed by John Bancroft and Erica Frommer (2007), which explains that sexual motivation is governed by two systems; the sexual excitation system (SES) and the sexual inhibition system (SIS). When the brain experiences or receives information that is sexually relevant, the SES is the mechanism that promotes the increase in sexual desire, which motivates them towards sexual activity (Calabrò et al., 2019). The other system, SIS, involves the mechanisms that inhibit sexual arousal and behaviour. It presents as a safeguard to decrease and stop arousal in contexts that could be feared or presents risks such as stress or anxiety (Calabrò et al., 2019).

The dual control model provides insight into why men and women may experience various levels of sexual motivation. Research has suggested that men generally have more active SES leading to faster and more frequent experiences of sexual arousal (Rupp & Wallen, 2007). While women have a more sensitive SIS and that is why they are more connected to emotional factors and their arousal is impacted by their feelings such as being stressed. From an evolutionary psychology view, the differences in systems between genders were most likely developed as adaptive strategies (Zhu & Chang, 2019). For men, a more active SES supports the idea that men were seeking multiple reproductive opportunities. Whilst women, have a more sensitive SIS as women are engrained with seeking a safe environment to reduce their risk of harm and create a safe place for their offspring.

Hormonal regulation

Sexual behaviour and motivation are strongly regulated by hormones, with key differences in hormonal influences between genders. The hormonal factor not only plays a significant role in sexual motivation, but it has the capability to create change in sexual arousal throughout the lifespan, especially when it comes to aging. Androgens, primarily testosterone, are crucial for male sexual motivation and behaviours as it contributes to higher and more consistent levels of sexual desire (Wilson, 1999). As testosterone is produced at higher levels in men, it is associated with increased libido, spontaneous sexual thoughts, and arousal. Study by Ågmo and Laan (2022), indicates that testosterone levels in men remain relatively stable over short periods, maintaining a standard of sexual interest and motivation. However, daily fluctuations can still occur, and factors like stress, and health can influence testosterone levels and, consequently, sexual desire. This gradual reduction can lead to a decrease in sexual desire, arousal, and erectile function.

Figure 3. Hormonal fluctuations across the female menstrual cycle.

Though present at lower levels than in men, testosterone also plays a role in women's sexual motivation. Some studies have shown that higher levels of testosterone in women can correlate with increased libido and responsiveness to sexual stimuli, even though it is not as dominant a factor as it is in men (van Anders et al., 2015). Women’s sexual motivation is more variable due to the complexity of female hormones such as estrogens and progesterone throughout the menstrual cycle (See Figure 3.). Estrogen levels peak around ovulation, which is often correlated with heightened sexual desire and arousal (Cappelletti & Wallen, 2016). After ovulation, progesterone levels increase, which is often associated with a decrease in sexual desire (Cappelletti & Wallen, 2016). Progesterone can have a calming or inhibitory effect, potentially activating the SIS and leading to reduced motivation for sexual activity.

Psychological factors

Cognitive dissonance is a theory that was developed by Festinger and Carlsmith (1959), that refers to the discomfort experiences when one's beliefs or behaviours are inconsistent. In the context of sexual motivation, women who downplay the importance of orgasms may be doing so as a strategy to reduce their cognitive dissonance (Laan et al., 2021). If a woman experiences difficulties with orgasms but holds the belief that sexual pleasure should involve orgasm, this inconsistency can create psychological discomfort. Similarly, men could feel social pressures to want and initiate sex frequently to align with the cultural norms of masculinity being tied with high sexual desire levels. However, if a man finds that his personal desire for sex is lower than societal expectations or compared to his partner’s expectations, cognitive dissonance may arise. This example demonstrates how cognitive dissonance can affect men’s sexual motivation and behaviour, as they navigate conflicts between their experiences and cultural beliefs about male sexuality.

[File:Self-Determination-Theory-Visual 1.png|thumb|365x365px|Figure 4. Self-Determination Theory: Motivation driven by autonomy, competence, and relatedness.]]

Self-Determination Theory (SDT), developed by Deci and Ryan (2013), highlights the significance of intrinsic and how fulfilling psychological needs drive behaviour. As per Figure 4, the core psychological needs are autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Autonomy refers to the feeling of control over one's own actions, competence involves feeling effective in one's pursuits, and relatedness encompasses the need to connect with others on a deep emotional level (Deci & Ryan, 2013). More deeply, autonomy allows individuals to express their desires and boundaries openly, fostering a deeper emotional connection with their partner. For example, a person who feels free to decline sex without guilt will also feel more motivated to engage in sexual activity when their desire is authentic. When individuals feel competent in their sexual interactions, they are more confident in their abilities to satisfy their partner and navigate sexual situations successfully. This confidence enhances sexual motivation, as individuals are more likely to initiate or engage in sexual activities. These factors are crucial for fostering healthy sexual motivation and satisfaction. When sexual experiences are driven by intrinsic motivations and meet these needs, individuals are more likely to experience heightened sexual desire and fulfillment, as well as sexual motivation increasing.

Cultural expectations

Cultural expectations and societal norms play a significant role in influencing how men and women experience and express their sexual desires. Social Role Theory by Eagly and Wood (1999) suggests that gender differences in sexual motivation stem from societal roles, not biological distinctions. The theory emphasises that the traditional roles assigned to men and women in various cultures influences not only their responsibilities, but also how they express their sexual desires. Historically, men have been encouraged to take on assertive, dominant roles in many aspects of life, including sexuality. On the other hand, women have often been socialised into more passive, nurturing roles, leading to societal expectations that they should be more reserved in expressing their sexuality.

Women’s sexual desire is often downplayed and even dismissed in certain cultures, especially those with traditional or religious influences (Navarro-Prado et al., 2023). In many societies, the sexual pleasure of women has been viewed as less significant or something to be controlled, as female sexuality is often perceived as secondary to reproduction and family roles (Laan et al., 2021). This stems from long-standing gender norms that associate female sexual behaviour with modesty, purity, or the preservation of family honour (Christianson et al., 2020). Consequently, women’s sexual needs and desires are frequently overlooked, with cultural narratives suggesting that women are naturally less sexually motivated than men (Hill, 2002). As a result, many women may struggle to recognise or prioritise their sexual desires, leading to diminished sexual satisfaction and motivation (Pachano Pesantez & Clayton, 2021). This can have a profound impact on women's sexual identity and relationship satisfaction, as they may feel disconnected from their own sexual agency.

QUIZ TIME! 1 What stage of the menstrual cycle is sexual arousal usually the highest? Menstrual Phase Ovulation Follicular Phase Luteal Phase 2 Which is not a factor of the Self-Determination Theory? Autonomy Desires Competence Relatedness

Consequences of gender differences in sexual motivation

Case study: Emma and James As the gap in their sexual motivation grew, the emotional connection that had once been the foundation of their relationship started to weaken. James, feeling increasingly rejected, became more withdrawn, which led to less communication and further isolation within the relationship. He also began to question his attractiveness and desirability. Emma, on the other hand, felt immense guilt and anxiety, worrying that she was failing as a partner, making it even more difficult for her to feel sexually motivated.

Figure 5: Couple engaged in intramarital relationship

Gender differences in sexual motivation can lead to relationship breakdowns, particularly through infidelity (See Figure 5.). Thompson’s deficit model suggests that low satisfaction increases the likelihood of infidelity, especially when one partner, often the man, has unmet sexual needs (Rokach & Chan, 2023). Men tend to hold more permissive views on extramarital sex, reflecting lenient societal norms (Alvarez et al., 2021). Performance pressures can affect men’s self-esteem, while women may experience guilt and insecurity when their sexual desires do not align with their partner’s (Laan et al., 2021). Unmet sexual needs can cause emotional disconnection, leading to anxiety, depression, and decreased intimacy. Cultural stereotypes frame men as inherently sexual and women as emotionally driven, discouraging open communication about desires (McKenzie et al., 2018). Those who challenge these norms face stigma; men with low desire may seem unmanly, while sexually dominant women risk being judged (Jacques-Tiura et al., 2007).

Conclusion

Understanding gender differences, not only in sexual motivation but in all aspects of life is a significant area in the study of psychology. Sexual motivation is a complex role as there can be many factors that impact how it is developed and perceived within humans. Sexual capacity, sexual frequency and sexual satisfaction are main determinants of sexual motivation. Men rely on visual stimuli whilst, for women, emotional connection is the most important for sexual arousal. The spontaneity of sexual thoughts for males also increase their level of sexual motivation against women as the argument for quality versus quantity plays a role within heterosexual relationships.

The dual control model explains men generally having more active SES and women more sensitive SIS, tying their motivation to emotional factors. Hormones like testosterone drive male libido, while female sexual desire fluctuates with estrogen and progesterone across the menstrual cycle. Cognitive dissonance can occur leading to anxiety in men over performance and suppression of desires in women to avoid judgment, with cultural norms further reinforcing these dynamics. As the gender differences in motivation has consequences such as relationship breakdown, dissatisfaction, psychological issues and cultural stigmatisation, it is essential to fully understand how these differences can be addressed.

Take home message: Open communication, empathy, and addressing each partner’s unique needs are essential in navigating differences in sexual motivation for greater connection and satisfaction.

See also

• Self determination theory (Wikipedia)
• Sexual arousal (Wikipedia)
• Sexual motivation (Book chapter, 2011)
• Role theory (Wikipedia)

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External links

• Long-term sexual satisfaction: what's the secret? (medicalnewstoday.com)
• PFV interview with Alice Eagly: on social role theory (Youtube.com)
• What is sexual motivation? (AP Psychology)