Writing an Obituary

What is an Obituary?

An obituary is a written notice of someone’s death, typically published in a newspaper or online. It serves as a tribute to the deceased, summarizing their life, accomplishments, family, and legacy. An obituary often includes key personal information and offers a way for the community to acknowledge the passing and commemorate the individual’s life.

Purpose of an Obituary

The primary purposes of an obituary are:

• Announcing the death: Informing family, friends, and the community about the passing.
• Celebrating the person’s life: Highlighting significant achievements, relationships, and qualities of the deceased.
• Connecting family and friends: Providing details for memorial services, funeral arrangements, and where to send condolences.
• Preserving a legacy: Offering a formal record that can be passed down through generations, ensuring the deceased’s memory endures.
• Healing and closure: Writing an obituary can be part of the grieving process for the family, offering a way to reflect on the life of the loved one and begin the journey of healing.

Who Benefits from Writing, Delivering, and Hearing an Obituary?

• Family and friends: The act of writing the obituary helps family members process their grief and celebrate the life of their loved one. Hearing or reading the obituary can bring closure to those close to the deceased.
• Community: It offers a way for the larger community, especially those who may not have known the deceased well, to pay their respects and share in collective mourning.
• Historical record: An obituary becomes part of the permanent record, potentially offering future generations insight into the individual’s life and the world they lived in.

Typical Content of an Obituary

1. Announcement of Death: Basic information, including the full name of the deceased, age, date of death, and location.
2. Biographical Information: A brief summary of key life events such as birthdate, birthplace, education, career, hobbies, and interests.
3. Family Information: Details of surviving family members, including close relatives such as spouse, children, siblings, and parents. Some obituaries also mention predeceased relatives.
4. Achievements and Personal Qualities: A focus on the individual’s accomplishments, community involvement, and their unique qualities or passions.
5. Funeral or Memorial Information: Information about upcoming services, including time, date, and location of funerals, memorials, or burial arrangements.
6. Special Instructions: In some cases, families may request charitable donations in lieu of flowers, or they may include messages of gratitude for medical staff or others who supported the deceased.
7. Closing Statement: This may include a final message of gratitude, a meaningful quote, or a sentiment that encapsulates the deceased's life and impact.

Typical Structure of an Obituary

1. Title: Full name of the deceased, birthdate, and death date.
2. Introduction/Death Announcement: A brief statement announcing the death, including the name, age, and location of passing.
3. Biographical Details: Information about the person’s background, including birthplace, education, and career.
4. Family and Relationships: Names of surviving family members and important relationships.
5. Accomplishments and Passions: A section dedicated to the deceased’s achievements, interests, and notable contributions.
6. Funeral/Memorial Details: Information about services, including the date, time, and location.
7. Final Tribute or Message: Concluding thoughts, a special memory, or a quote that captures the essence of the person’s life.
8. Donation Requests (Optional): Information on charitable donations in lieu of flowers or how to honor the memory of the deceased.

Comparison with a Eulogy

An obituary and a eulogy both serve the purpose of honoring the deceased, but they differ in terms of format, audience, content, and purpose. Here’s a comparison and contrast of the two:

1. Format

• Obituary:
  • A written public announcement, typically published in newspapers, online platforms, or funeral programs.
  • It is concise, factual, and follows a formal structure.
• Eulogy:
  • A speech or tribute delivered during a funeral, memorial service, or celebration of life.
  • It is more personalized, emotional, and reflective, often delivered by a family member or close friend.

2. Purpose

• Obituary:
  • The primary purpose of an obituary is to inform the public about the death. It includes essential details like the time and place of passing, funeral arrangements, and a brief overview of the deceased’s life and family. It serves as a record for the community and often provides funeral or memorial details.
• Eulogy:
  • The purpose of a eulogy is to celebrate and honor the life of the deceased. It reflects on the person’s character, achievements, and relationships. A eulogy offers more personal stories, anecdotes, and emotions, giving those in attendance a deeper connection to the deceased’s legacy.

3. Content

• Obituary:
  • Factual and formal: It includes information like the full name of the deceased, birth and death dates, family members, significant life achievements, education, career, and a brief mention of personality or interests.
  • Details about the funeral: It includes information on funeral or memorial services and any special instructions, such as requests for charitable donations in lieu of flowers.
• Eulogy:
  • Personal and reflective: The eulogy delves into the deceased’s personality, their impact on loved ones, values they lived by, and specific memories that highlight who they were as a person.
  • Emotional and heartfelt: While the obituary is generally formal, a eulogy can be poignant or even humorous depending on the person delivering it and the preferences of the family.

4. Audience

• Obituary:
  • The audience for an obituary is broad—anyone in the community, including those who knew the deceased and those who did not. It serves as a public notification and historical record.
• Eulogy:
  • The audience for a eulogy is more intimate, consisting mainly of family, friends, and others who had a close connection to the deceased. The speech is meant to evoke personal memories and emotions among those present.

5. Length and Detail

• Obituary:
  • Typically brief, ranging from a few paragraphs to a page depending on the space available or the wishes of the family. It tends to focus on biographical details with limited space for personal stories.
• Eulogy:
  • Can be longer, depending on the context of the service. It allows for greater depth and storytelling, providing a fuller picture of the deceased’s character, values, and experiences.

6. Tone

• Obituary:
  • The tone is generally formal and respectful, keeping the focus on objective information about the deceased.
• Eulogy:
  • The tone can vary from solemn to celebratory, often combining heartfelt emotion with moments of lightness or humor, depending on the personality of the deceased and the speaker’s style.

7. Who Writes It?

• Obituary:
  • Usually written by a family member or a funeral home, and sometimes with input from the deceased’s loved ones.
• Eulogy:
  • Written and delivered by someone close to the deceased, such as a family member, friend, or colleague, who has personal stories and insights into the deceased’s life.

Summary of Comparison:

Aspect	Obituary	Eulogy
Format	Written, published in media or online	Spoken, delivered at a service
Purpose	Inform about death, provide basic life details	Celebrate and reflect on the person’s life
Tone	Formal, factual	Personal, emotional, sometimes humorous
Content	Biographical, factual, brief	Personal anecdotes, memories, deeper reflection
Audience	Public, community	Family, friends, attendees of the service
Length	Concise, typically a few paragraphs	Longer, allows more detailed reflection and storytelling
Who Writes It?	Family or funeral home	Close family member or friend

Examples of Excellent Obituaries

1. Maya Angelou (1928-2014): Her obituary focused on her remarkable contributions to literature, civil rights activism, and the arts, capturing the essence of her resilience and influence worldwide.
2. Steve Jobs (1955-2011): The obituary for the Apple co-founder celebrated his visionary leadership, innovation, and impact on the technology world, offering a reflection on his legacy.
3. John McCain (1936-2018): His obituary highlighted his military service, political career, and steadfast principles, painting a picture of a man deeply committed to his country and ideals.

These obituaries illustrate how to balance personal tributes with factual information while making the reader feel connected to the life and legacy of the deceased.

Additional Guidelines

• Be personal and specific: Share unique anecdotes or details that bring the deceased’s personality to life.
• Maintain clarity and structure: Follow a clear structure to ensure the obituary is easy to read and navigate.
• Honor cultural or religious traditions: If applicable, include any special customs or religious observances related to the passing.
• Keep the tone appropriate: Depending on the deceased’s personality, some obituaries may lean toward a more solemn tone, while others can include humor or lightheartedness.