Dating and romance

Introduction

The following study was conducted within the context of the 2012 Erasmus Summer School in Scotland. The aim of the research was to gain insight into the differences and similarities in the area of dating and romantic relationships. People from the six following nations participated in the survey: Croatia, Germany, Ireland, Portugal, Scotland and Slovenia. The research method included a questionnaire that was distributed among the participants of the Summer School and local Glaswegians between the age of 19 and 30. Due to the common European context of all participant nations, our research would show more similarities than differences between dating habits and relationships in the respective countries.

Meeting People

When it comes to meeting new people, all participants listed similar dating locations. The most commonly mentioned places were clubs, bars, pubs, social events and friends’ parties. The workplace and university was frequently mentioned as well. Internet dating platforms were only mentioned once as a means for meeting potential partners. Nevertheless, none would go out with the intention of meeting ‘the one’ but with hopes, however, of meeting new people.

The findings show that pick-up lines are neither used seriously nor popular regardless of the country in question. People who use them seriously are regarded as acting in a ridiculous manner. Pick-up lines are rather used as jokes and as ironic conversation starters, for example "Do you know how much a polar bear weighs? ... No? Me neither, but it's enough to break the ice." Instead, most resort to casual conversations and an indirect expression of interest, such as offering to buy a drink or asking for a dance.

Once you have met someone you like, an appropriate venue must be chosen for a date. This is where certain differences in the customs of the countries were encountered. All agree that cafés and pubs are a good place to get a drink, a coffee and to engage in private conversation. While Croatians and Slovenians prefer not to go to restaurants on their first dates, Germans and Portuguese find this to be very common in their countries. Germans and Portuguese also commonly go to the cinema on their first dates. For the Irish and Scottish it is not unusual to go out for dinner or to get take-away food.

For the purposes of this research casual relationships an be defined as primarily based on the physical aspect of a relationship and are mostly not exclusive. Non-exclusive relationships allow dating more than one person at the same time. In contrast, serious relationships are exclusive and include a stronger emotional bond between partners. It is a consensus that the type of relationship people are looking for depends on their age and not their country of origin. The need to search for a serious relationship generally arises in the mid-20s. However, the Germans tend to look for serious relationships somewhat earlier and more often. The Irish look for both casual and serious relationships as well, but the serious are seen as a natural next step in life after finishing school, when a steady income is being earned.

Relationship Rules

One of the most common “rules” of relationships is concerned with exclusiveness. The discussion whether a relationship is going to be exclusive or not is most commonly encountered in Germany and Croatia. Germans typically clarify this point at the very beginning of a relationship, whereas in Croatia this takes place within a month or two. The Irish and Scottish generally assume that a relationship as such is exclusive from the very beginning, as is the case in Slovenia, where the status of the relationship is usually not discussed. The Portuguese, just as the Germans decide on the first date, yet the exclusivity of the relationship has to be stated explicitly, or it will be assumed that the relationship is not exclusive. This matter cannot be left unsaid if the relationship is supposed to be called serious.

An interesting difference in the way the Irish express their interest in other people’s love life in comparison to other countries was found. Instead of asking the otherwise commonly used question of “Are you seeing anyone?” the expression “Are you kissing anyone?” is used.

Establishing Rules

Concerning the public display of affection, it is generally accepted in most countries as long as it is restricted to holding hands and moderate kissing, with the exception of Ireland. Here the smallest public display of affection is frowned upon and commented with “get a room”, as is the case in other countries when the line is crossed.

The physical and emotional aspects of the relationship progress after one or two months in Croatia. This varies in Germany, depending on age, type of relationship pursued and the question of mutual trust. Emotional progress must generally be made in serious relationships before physical progress is made. Thus, it generally takes between 4-5 months before physical contact goes beyond kissing and holding hands, which occurs after a few dates, as “light” physical progress is often made faster than emotional. In Portugal, about a month passes before people decide they are serious about a relationship, and 2-4 months before the relationship progresses physically. The emotional aspect follows the physical, as in Germany. In Slovenia and Scotland, 1 to 3 months pass before physical progress is made.

When things get more serious

In Slovenia, Scotland and Germany it is common to meet each other’s friends sometime within the first month, whereas in Portugal, Croatia and Ireland friends are generally met as soon as possible. Meeting the parents occurs in Croatia, Slovenia and Germany after about 3 to 6 months, but in Portugal and Ireland this generally happens as late as possible though there are small differences. In Portugal parents are met after one year at the earliest, but the meeting is delayed as much as possible, depending on the partners’ relationship with their own parents. In Ireland people arrive at this stage as late as possible or not at all. In Croatia, this step is also a question of age. The older the partners are, the less important the parents’ approval of one´s partner becomes.

People in Slovenia decide to live together after about one or two years and make plans regarding children and marriage around the age of 30. In Ireland and Scotland people also decide to live together after a year or two if they are in their mid to late 20s. However, it is uncommon in Croatia to start living together with your partner before marriage and partners usually live with their parents.

Nevertheless, those that do decide to live together, do so after 1-2 years of relationship and in the mid-20s age-group. Nowadays in Portugal, people decide to move in much sooner than before the crisis, which was only after 1-2 years, due to financial necessity. The decision regarding marriage depends upon age in Croatia. Therefore, the earlier partners started their relationship, the longer it takes for them to get married. The older partners are the shorter the amount of time. In Slovenia marriage is planned around the age of 30, while couples in Portugal find it very important to have a certain financial stability and a place to live before they get married, but it is usually not done before the age of 28.

Conclusion

The research confirms the initial thesis that the nations in question do not differ greatly in their dating and romantic relationship habits. However, there are some areas in which different answers were provided, such as preferences in public display of affection and the pace of physical and emotional progress of the relationship. Further research should be conducted to gain insight into the reasons for the differences encountered.