This textbook chapter has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via login to the unit's Moodle site. Written feedback is provided below, plus there is a general feedback page. Please also check the chapter's page history to see what editing changes I have made whilst reading through the chapter. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below or continuing to improve the chapter if you wish. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener. If you wish to dispute the marks, see the suggested marking dispute process.
Overall, this was a promising chapter that in the end did a reasonably good job of relating personality and motivational theory. The two part structure could have been more effective if merged (I didn't know why each of the Part 1 sections were being presented (different types of motivation) until they were later connected to personality in the next section. The chapter was overly long (this restructure would have helped to condense), but the second part did contain important research and theory content. The main problem was the quality of written expression. Whilst APA style was very good, there were significant spelling, grammar, and punctuation issues. There were useful links to relevant Wikipedia articles, cloze quiz questions and some useful accompanying images. Clearly a lot of effort has gone into the chapter, but the proofreading and polishing was a notable issue. See additional notes below, plus check the page's editing history to details of some of my copyediting.
When describing important research findings, try to indicate the size of effects rather than simply whether or not there was an effect or relationship.
This is rather circular: "According to motivational psychologists, people do such things because they are motivated to do so. "
Some sentences were two long e.g., sometimes where a comma was used a full-stop could have been used instead.
There was a tendency towards overly long paragraphs. Generally try to express one main idea per paragraph in three to five sentences.
There were significant problems with basic sentence formation. The main issues were sentences that were too long. Often a comma was used to continue a sentence, when a full-stop would have been better. For help with this, see Avoiding comma splices].
Spelling, grammar and proofreading
Check use of ownership apostrophes e.g., individuals -> individual's
Research has shown personality -> Research has shown that personality
So overall individuals that -> So overall individuals thatwho
APA style
APA style was generally very good - well done.
A study conducted by Earn, 1982 -> A study conducted by Earn (1982)
Latest comment: 13 years ago1 comment1 person in discussion
The accompanying multimedia presentation has been marked according to the marking criteria. Marks are available via the unit's UCLearn site. Written feedback is provided below, plus see the general feedback page. Responses to this feedback can be made by starting a new section below. If you would like further clarification about the marking or feedback, contact the unit convener.
This presentation provided a basic bullet-point narrated summary.
Audio was clear.
My main suggestion would be identify fewer key points and focus on more effectively elaborating on each of these. (This would probably make for a more interesting presentation).
Establish why is this topic important? Engage viewer at the start.
